I recently watched a documentary on Netflix titled "Should I Marry a Murderer?" I won't spoil it, but it got me thinking. It made me reflect on my own journey as a woman: one that has included insecurity, healing, and growth. Like many women, I didn't find confidence naturally or instantly. It developed over time, through therapy, self-work, community with other women, and through the presence of healthy men.
And that thought stayed with me. I found myself thinking about my daughter. One day, she will likely face insecurities of her own. Not because she wasn't loved well. Not because she lacked strong influences. But because the world has a way of shaping how women see themselves.
I don't know many women who haven't wrestled with insecurity in some form, whether in identity, worth, appearance, or relationships. Even when raised in healthy environments, these struggles still show up. And yet, we don't talk about them enough.
In a culture that rightly emphasizes women's empowerment, there's a quieter truth we don't always acknowledge:
Men have influence in women's lives. Not control. Not ownership. But influence.
Healthy men can affirm identity, create safety, and build confidence. And unhealthy dynamics can do the opposite. Recognizing this doesn't take away from women's strength; it simply acknowledges relational reality.
This isn't about saying women rely on men to feel whole. Women are whole. But we are also relational beings. And many of our earliest experiences of love, protection, and affirmation come through relationships with men: fathers, brothers, mentors.
There's a line in John Mayer's "Daughters":
"Fathers, be good to your daughters…"
Not because they define everything, but because they are part of the foundation.
I think about the men in my own life. The role my father has played. The healing my husband has brought into my life. The way he shows up as a father for our daughter. And the kind of men I hope our sons become. There is weight in that, but also responsibility, and opportunity.
And this is where my pondering has led me. Maybe the goal isn't choosing between independence and connection. Maybe it's both: creating spaces where women can speak openly about insecurity, and recognizing the importance of healthy, respectful relationships.
This matters deeply as a parent. Because it's not just about my healing; it's about what our children carry forward. How my daughter learns to see herself. What she expects from relationships. How our sons learn to treat others.
Women are not weak for being shaped by relationships. We are human. Healing doesn't come from denying influence; it comes from understanding it. We can be strong, self-aware, and grounded… while still acknowledging the role others play in shaping us. Especially when that influence is healthy, safe, and rooted in love.
If you've ever wrestled with insecurity, you're not alone. And if part of your healing has come through relationships, healthy ones, that doesn't make you dependent. It makes you human.